The tale of Stuff
by Invader DOOM
Summary: I have my 1st FIC! It involves Ragamuffin Girl's fan-characters. YAY! Zam is my alter ego. Re-YAY! And Ch 3 is a MEANWHILE! Re-re-yay! And now... 6! It is a little longer.
1. Zam's Failed Invention

The Tale of Stuff

Zam was a happy Irken. He was a sub invader class D Criteria 3 with a knack for inventing. He also glows in the dark. He likes that. But one day, he went too far.

This is his story.

It isn't pretty, or for the weak of heart.

It gave my brother gas.

But I happen to want to tell it, and you are being forced to listen.

Lucky you.

It was august 28th of 2003 in the small suburban area of Elk Grove. Zam was in his lab (see Ragamuffin Girl's previous fics) and was creating a way to control the rips, or eddies, in the space-time continuum, and was close to the done part.

"YES! I am close to the done part!" he screamed.

"SHUTUP!" Riz yelled from 2 stories above him.

"RIZ! COMEDED QUIKIFIED! I BE DONEDED!"

"he's hyper." With a grumbly mumbly murmur, she went to see him 2 stories down, and brought the robots, Mir and Cir, because she felt like it. We are currently studying why. We do not know.

"Riz, this could solve all of the problems of the weird guy and his daught-"  
"SHUTUP! There are copyright laws!"  
"okay. But it is an important breakthrough!

"I don't care." She said as the robots slumbered out of boredom.

"I shall demonstrate." _I'll blow up _he thought.

_He'll blow it up _she thought.

He pressed the button.

Suspense break. Elevator music is playing.

End music. End break. End chapter.

So, good or bad?

Bad. Oh yeah.

You make me sad.

I do?

Mmmyep.

Don't care.

Moo?


	2. Enter Actual IZ Characters!!!

Ch 2: Enter Actual IZ Characters!!!  
I hope this chapter's good and long.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Zim was 2 houses away during the incident. Then one house. Then he was at Zam and Riz's house. The door was off it's hinges, and with Zam living there, that was not abnormal. "ZAM! THE INVADER'S MEETING IS TONIGHT!" he cried over the lab intercom. "ZAM! GET OVER HERE!". Still no answer. "RRRG! That Zam! Too involved with inventions and not world domination. Waitaminute..." He then realized he was being sucked (eww) into an eddie! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." it goes on like that for a while. And after a flash of light, Zim was gone (I cry). Anywho, Dib lovers rejoce! Here is the Dibbish part! YAY! Don't kill me. (Sorry. I'm paranoid.)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Dib (yay) was sitting in a bush outside the house monitiring Zim's every move up until the flash at which he sheilded his eyes. "Where'd Zim go? What's happening? ...Why am I talking to myself?" All these ran through his head. This is getting a bit creepy... he thought. He didn't have a lot more thinkin' time, because with another flash, he too was gone. Well, him and the spirit of a weiner-dog, but the dog got hit by a truck, so he don't count. Wow that was irrelevant.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
By pure luck, they all survived. And... That's all.  
  
  
I gave away a big plot thingy, but it was obvious they'd survive, or I wouldn't have much story left. 


	3. MEANWHILE: Zark

YARG MOO MROW COW BOT! I am Rabid! This a a meanwhile to me great fic. Ragamuffin Girl half-wrote it too, her idea. Yup. 

She made me say that. Any who moo, I smell of socks. I miust bathe... MUST... BATHE... 

Oh, one other thing. If you haven't read a book with the number 42 in it (hint hint) then you go now. R&R. Still needa bathe. 

~~~~~ 

Zam: What's today's torture, dare I ask? 

Riz: *straps him into a thingy*An experiment. 

Zam: Cool. 

Riz: I'm going to send you to Frogstar. 

Zam: You're _what? _*pause*You wouldn't. 

Riz: *looks at him* 

Zam: You would. Well oh great. Last time I was there, I had to wait billions of years for a zarking lunch! 

Riz: Last time you were there, you died. 

Zam: Lunch was first. 

Riz: *blink blink* *Starts machine* 

Zam: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG! IT HURT! LIKE PAIN! AND LIP BALM!!! 

Cir: *comes in, slurpin on wonna dem shlurpahs* *waves at Zam* *pushes him into transporter* 

Riz: *high fives Cir* 

Zam: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Wait, this is fun! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Ugh, this spinning is makin me sick. I might meet my lunch again. 

Riz: *turns off teleporter* *leaves lab* 

Cir: Dat wuz nutz! 

************************************************************************************************************ 

Zam: *WHAMS into frogstar ground* Owchie... I need a gargle blaster... or not... I dunno. 

Some guy: HIYA!! 

Zam: GASP! The plot thickens... 

Some guy: I gunna take you ta the total perspectivey vortex o DOOM!*pause*YAAAAAAAAAY! 

Zam: Why? I wasn't bein' evil. (note: once I shouted evil for 5 hours!)By da way, who be yo? 

Some guy: Dunno. I'm a robot though. Yep. And I have this! *holds out a computery chip reading "Depressive files"* 

Zam: Hey! I know you! Your Marvin! Can I have yo autograph? 

Marvin?: No, but u can have dis robot! *puts the chip in the head of another robot he pulled out* 

Robot: you ought to know I'm feeling depressed. 

Zam: I couldn't care less. Well, I could, but that would require a lot of alchohol, and Eccentra Gallumbits. 

Robot: Moo.....God I hate you all. 

Marvin: ^_^ 

Zam: Hey... Marvin isn't depressed! (ain't he a fast one) 

Marvin: Nope! *grabs Zam by his antennae and skips off to the vortex* Whee!*sings* 

Zam: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY ANTANAE! MORE PAIN! PAIN IS BAD! Oooh, a squid! 

robot: I am seriously depressed. I mean really... (he rambles on and... uh... on.) 

Marvin: K, any last wordies? You'll neva return...not even in another demension! YAY! 

Robot: Isn't the Total Perspective Vortex only supposed to cause severe mental damage for 5 seconds? 

Marvin: It wasssssssss, until that freaky girly alieny thing re-did it. Moo! ^^ 

Zam: ^^? ^^!?! WHAT THE HELL DOES ^^ MEAN?!?!? 

Robot: Please reframe from doing that. 

Marvin: Last wordies please, alien-dudey! 

Zam: my last words are these; ZARKITY ZARKITY MOO COW BAKA ZARK MOO POOP! 

Marvin: Aww, your life sounds unpleasant. 

Zam: UNPLEASANT?!? I LIVED WITH ZARKING RIZ FOR ZARK'S SAKE! AND YOU! *points to robot* I KNOW EHO YOU ARE! YOU'RE ZARKING GIR! Hey, can I have some cornnuts? 

Gir: No. 

Marvin: My.....poor metal ears...... 

Zam: YOU ARE GIR! THE AUTHORS NAME THINGY UP THERE SAID SO! DON'T LIE TO ME BAKA! *points to marvin* AND YOU! I'LL RANT SOME MORE UNLESS YOU GIVE ME A SPACESHIP! 

Marvin: But... 

Zam: ZARK! 

Marvin: I have no spaceship! Eeee!*clears throat* Well, anywayz, let's just pretend that that never occurred. Yay! 

Zam: *Nny-style* *pant pant* 

Marvin: Let's try a CLEANER more realistic last wordies thingy. ^_^ Go ahead. Surely no one's life can be that bad! 

Zam: oh really? WELL ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARK ZARKITY BAKA ROBOT! 

Marvin: PLEASE! He's young.*points at Gir* 

Gir: I will destory you all. 

Marvin: *grabs Zam and shakes him* ANYTHING!! ANYTHING GOOD IN YOUR LIFE!! MAYBE CANDY OR SOMETHING!! ARGH!!! 

Zam: Well, I did really like this one rubber piggy... BUT ZARKING RIZ WOULDN'T LET ME BUY IT! ZARK! THAT IS MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY: ZARK! 

Marvin: GAAAH! Why didn't you ever just kill this Riz person?! 

Zam: ... WHAT THE ZARK! SHE'D KILL MME 42 TIMES BEFORE I HIT THE FLOOR! ARGH! REPENT! GO GET ME SOME F*CKING CORNNUTS! Great, now you made me quote a stick figure!!! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

*all glass within 40 light years now shattered* 

Marvin: *is beginning to rip out circuterity* 

Gir: *already commited a homicide and two suicides*(......?) 

Zam: Great. I killed 2 really famous robots. I'm going home. *Steps into a vortex* *under breath* bakas... 

Marvin: *suddenly with an accent* I'm not dead yet! Just say any true happiness that u had and get into the perspective tang-ie! 

Zam: Too late, already goin' home. Oh, one last thing... 

Marvin: what? 

Zam:Well, I did love Riz... But then she killed me again. Zark her. 

Marvin:...............................................................................*kills self very violently. A passing crew in a gold spaceship are tramatized by the violence* 

************************************************************************************************************ 

Infamous Riz: *sitting on a couch in her haunted base-housey, slurpin' a random drink* 

Zam: Hi riz! I made Marvin and Gir commit suicide! Wanna kill me again? 

Riz: Nah. I'm too bored.*slurp* 

Zam: K'. I'm gunna use the machine to go to Australia, 2 c da croc hunter. I've gotta practice my accent. *w/accent* CRIKEY! CRIKEY! MATE! MATE!*leaves* 

Cir: Eeeewww! 

Riz: Zark off. 

END 


	4. Stuff happens and Gir comes and they go ...

The Tale Of Stuff (yay!) Lalalalala... WHAT?!?!? The meanwhile's over?!? Oh sh... HI THERE! Welcome to Ch. 4 Of me fic. Now, first off, tanks 4 all da reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeviews. Oh, one other thing. I am eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil.  
  
Disclaimer: Let me see... do I own Zim? NO! Do I own Dib? NO! God, you guys get stupeder every fic... I do own Zam and Mir, Me friend owns Riz, nuther friend owns Cir, and everything else ('cept plot) ain't mine. Now I sad. *sniffle* OOOOH, A birdie!  
  
Ch. 4 (or 3, really) Oh... God... No... Zam was kinda gettin' tired of fallin' through the swirley vortex. Riz wanted to kill him, but restrained, as he may know a way out. Mir smelled like my taco bin. Back to zam. He wanted for the vortex to end. Wouldn't you? Just then, a skinny cow with glasses and a blue monkey on it passed by and said (and I quote) "What the hell?" (Sidenote: I kinda hate Dib. Don't kill me Dib-fans. Zam made me say that. *swarm of dib-fans approach* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Cow: What the...?!?) It was then that Zam stopped caring about the cow, who's name was Waxy Boy (that was irrelevant), and noticed Zim a few meters above him. Zim saw this as a perfect chance to scream, so he did. Then Mir did. Then Cir. Then Zam. Then Dib (above Zim) did 2. Yay for him. (Sidenote: I like screaming) It was about then that the vortex dissapeared and Zam hit the dirt. Then Riz. Then Mir bounced off of Zam. He squeked. Cir too. Then Zim. Then Dib into a tree. (Hehehe...) Dib was hidden from alla dem Irkens. (Awww.) They were at a foresty-lookin' place. There was a lot of trees, it being a forest. And there was some uther stuff 2. There was a house with an ugly (and I mean UUUUUUUUUUG-LY!) Old guy named... umm... I dunno... Ugly Old Guy. And there was a squirrel. Riz was angry again. "ZAM! WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!?" "I dunno" Zam replied, a bit scared. Zim was brushing himself off when (again, for unknown reasons) Gir fell from the sky and hit his head. "GIR!" "Yes my master!" The insane robot replied, turning red in the process. "Where are we?" "Not in Zam's basement. I'm gunna eat that squirrel!!!" he shouted as he ran to join Mir in the squirrelly fun. ********************************************************* Suddenly, Dib awoken to a scene he was happy to see. Gir and Mir were each holding an end of a squirrel, tugging on it. Riz was threatening Zam. And Zim was readung some stuff off a cominicator. Then, realizing what he could do, he pulled out some hand-cuffy lookin' things. "No gnome's to save you this time Zim..."  
  
CLIFFHANGER! YOU ALL WAIT IN FEAR FOR ZIM'S FATE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I ate roadkill. God I'm ugly. 


	5. Zim's Fate n' stuff

You all anticipate Zim's fate! YOU DO, DON'TCHA?!?!?!?!?!??!? Huh?!?!? HUH?!?!?!?!?!?!? Yes, you do. I see it in your ever-staring computery eyeballs. Eyeballs are gooooooooooooood. I love them, like that… cat… over there.

Mmmyep.

Ch. 5: Zim's Fate n' stuff.

As Dib was about to launch his body to the ground and cuff Zim, Mir forgot about the squirrel and jumped on the back of Dib's GARGATUAN head. Due to the size of said head, Dib never noticed. Eventually, Zam noticed the robots absence and pulled out his tracker. As Zim and Riz talked of what happened and how they got there, Zam found Mir… And Dib, Dib didn't notice.

Meanwhile, Dib was waiting for Zim to get closer so Dib could tackle him. As he waited, Zam put his laser on stun and…

Mir started singing the Brady Bunch theme song.

This, obviously alerted Dib of Mir, and noticed Zam. Hence this conversation.

Dib: GET OFF OF MY HEAD!!!

Mir: …Who was bringing up 3 very lovely girls…

Zam: EAT LASER HUMAN! **Zap**

Dib: AHHHHHHH!  
Mir: …till the one day when this lady met this fellow…

Zim: FILTHY HUMAN! YOU EVEN FOLLOWED ME HERE!

Riz: KILL HIM ZAM!  
By now, all three robots were finishing up the song.

Robots: …And they knew it was much more than a hunch…

Dib: YOU BROUGHT ME HERE ZIM! OR ZAM! OR ONE OF YOU!

Zim: I'M NOT THAT STUPID!

Zam then shot dib, and he fell to the ground, unconscious.'

Mir: Awww… My microphone.

Zim: Finally. Let's kill him!  
Riz: Let's torture him!

Zam: Let's experiment on him, hence torturing and eventually killing him!

Riz & Zim: Okay.

Riz: Let's drag him into that house over there.

They dragged the poor, huge-headed child into the hut. Seconds later, they noticed the man.

Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Zam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Zam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Zim: BE QUIET!

Man: DON'T HURT ME! PLEAZE!

Riz: Ummmm… No. **zap**

Zim: Did you kill him?  
Zim: No… Just K.O.ed him.

Zam: Yeah. Let's experiment on him too!  
Riz: YEAH!  
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door…

Wwahahaha! I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE Cliffhangers! YAY! I am eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil.

R&R!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I smell like a puppy.


	6. Doom To Old Guy

Tale of Stuff Ch. 6- Doom To Old Guy Zam had just finished tying up Dib and the old guy, and Riz had ansewered the door to find a small child with a shield and a sword on his back and green clothing and with a weird little green hat. He looked at the K.O.ed old guy and Dib. "Go away." Riz stated simply, while the robots continued to sing the Brady Bunch for the nth time. Zam was preoccupied using his backpod to create the torture device that Jhonny used on the guy who cleaned out his fridge. Zim was trying to get the robots to shut-the- zark-up (such languege!) As the child pulled out his sword defensively. Zam looked over and said "God Riz, this is gonna be your nth kill this day! First the mailman, then me, then a hobo, me again, then Zim, me, me, me, another hobo, and me! Just spare this one, you've killed enough today." "Nuh uh." she said. "Oh for zarking sake..." Zim stated. "Yeah huh." "Nuh-uh." "Yeah huh." "Nuh-uh." "Yeah huh." "Nuh-uh." "Yeah huh." "Nuh-uh." "Yeah huh." "SHUT THE ZARK UP, BAKAS!" Zim screamed at the top of... whatever he sceams at the top of. "ZARK! JUST SILENCE THE HUMAN ALREADY!" "K" Riz said as she stabbed the green one with her spider legs. Mir stopped singing and looked over and said "Awww, you killed Link. I LOVED LINK! WHAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! ...'Till the one day when the lady..." Everyone else just went back to whatever, and while the robots put on their disguises with Zam and Zim, Mir's words registered in Riz. Link. Why is that familiar? Hmmm. Wait-a-minute... "OH ZARK! WE KILLED LINK! Oh ZARK this demension will be screwed up. I mean, with Link dead, then... OH ZARK! THE OLD GUY IS RAURU! OH ZARKING ZARKNESS!" "What now oh one who kills me daily?""We need to leave this demension... NOW. Or we may just be in deep shit." "K." "K." ACTIVATING TRANSPORTER the small machine said before they were sucked into demensions unknown. Dib, however, was K.O.ed and tied up. **************************************************************************** ********* Yes... I WILL SAY IT! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN! Dib, in the Zelda world... The irkens, who knows where... And Link, defeated at last... In short, PREPARE FOR DOOM! 


End file.
